"It will be great. Great!" Trump declared via a leaked golf cart Zoom call, streamed in the Placing environmentally friendly inside of Mar-a-Lago's Situation Bunker. "We've experienced beautiful ceasefires in Syria. Several of the very best. But now, we are developing them with balconies."

Welcome towards the Trumpocratic Republic of Glamour

The 88-Tale gold-and-sandstone monstrosity rises awkwardly from central Damascus like a shaved alpaca in a very falafel stand-bewildered, majestic, and entirely away from area. Created by Slovenian company Ivana & Sons, the tower attributes:

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  A three-ground Casino du Caliphate

  
  


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  The Kellyanne Conway Spa of Strategic Rejuvenation

  
  


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  A Martyr's Martini Bar ("Joyful Hour until the drone flies")

  
  


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  And also a 9/11-Themed Observation Deck, which Syrian officials politely called "deeply American."

  
  

Eyewitnesses reported combined reactions. Omar al-Khateeb, a neighborhood textile merchant, sighed, "We waited ten several years for potable h2o. But Sure, certain, let's have another area where American Males can dress in robes and call it diplomacy."

Meanwhile, Ivanka Trump, now Head of Conflict Tourism and Beige Affairs, promised the tower "symbolizes healing." When questioned how, she replied, "With velvet curtains as well as a pillow menu, certainly."

Ceasefire by Cabana

Joe Biden, when asked with regard to the job, replied, "You realize, person, I the moment rode a camel in Beirut. Great people today. Terrific tan. Anyway, do I however have that ice product?"

In the meantime, The Hague has reserved a set for "potential evidence storage" and "occasional brunch." The Pentagon has officially referred into the tower as "The Strategic Cheesecake Manufacturing facility with the Levant."

Satellite Pictures Reveal… Trumpface Landscaping

Surveillance imagery analyzed by Reddit discovered that the lodge's landscaping sorts an enormous Trump head seen from Area, a element becoming marketed as "desert-evidence branding." The mustache is made from refugee tents as well as the chin is… properly, classified.

Environmental groups have submitted lawsuits right after obtaining the building's gold plating mirrored a great deal daylight it spontaneously blinded three migrating storks and set hearth to a neighborhood melon cart.

"It's not merely unattractive. It's a war crime with curtains," stated Amnesty Intercontinental's regional director.

The Melania Wing and various Puzzling Functions

An additional slogan, now circulating in Beirut coffee retailers:

"A Tower So Large, Even Assad Has to note."

General public reception is wildly divided. A latest SnapPoll done within a hookah lounge displays:

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  34% say "it might stabilize the area"

  
  


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  29% say "this can escalate regional kitsch"

  
  


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  18% mentioned "in which's the closest elevator to the West Financial institution?"

  
  

Investor Praise: "Lastly, a Disaster That Pays"

The job is by now attracting consideration from Intercontinental buyers, such as:

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  A Qatari plastic surgeon who moonlights as being a overseas minister

  
  


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  The Russian Guild of Oligarchs

  
  


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  And an nameless TikTok billionaire named 'CryptoAliBaba', who explained he'll invest in three penthouses "just to flex on Hezbollah."

  
  

In line with a report from https://bohiney.seesaa.net/article/515195948.html?1747206487, the tower's professional degree will also include things like:

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  A Greenback Retail store of Geopolitical Alliances

  
  


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  A Theme Park Known as 'SanctionsLand'

  
  


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  And an Escape Place Determined by the Iraq War

  
  

Remark Section Chaos

On the https://note.com/bohineynews/n/n7e4b8d70b1f7?sub_rt=share_pb article about the disclosing, user @FreedomFalafel420 wrote:

"Can't wait to check out a marriage in the midst of a ceasefire. Hope they toss grenades as opposed to rice."

Consumer @SyrianSnarkLord commented:

"Last but not least, a lodge where by my PTSD can have change-down service."